Welcome to another episode of the podcast that teaches you how to be a ridiculously good virtual assistant.
Today I want to talk about difficult clients – messy ones.
Today’s Quote: “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” – Brené Brown
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Connect with Tracey D’Aviero, VA Coach and Trainer
Episode Notes:
Today we are talking about something that you will no doubt encounter in some form in your VA business: the messy client.
To be clear, a messy client is not a bad person. They are not “wrong” or impossible. But they are a client who brings a level of disorganization, inconsistency, or emotional overwhelm into your working relationship.
And that can quickly impact your time, your energy, and your confidence if you do not know how to handle it.
This episode is about helping you recognize the signs early, understand what is actually happening underneath the mess, and respond in a way that protects your business while still serving well.
What Does A Messy Client Look Like?
Let’s start with actually identifying a messy client.
They are not always obvious at first. In fact, they often show up as enthusiastic, friendly, and excited to work with you.
The signs usually appear once the work begins.
You might notice things like:
- Instructions that change after you have already started a task
- Requests coming in last minute and framed as urgent
- Missing information that you constantly have to chase
- Long, unclear voice notes or scattered messages across multiple platforms
- Feedback that contradicts earlier instructions
- A general sense that you are always “catching up” to what they actually want
The key pattern is not one single behaviour. It is the lack of structure around communication, decision making, and expectations.
And that lack of structure is what creates pressure on you.
Why Messy Client Create Stress for VAs
The challenge with messy clients is not just workload. It is how it affects your brain space, your mind. It’s not just about the task.
You are also interpreting unclear instructions, filling in missing details, reworking tasks because the direction shifted, maybe managing unexpected urgency, and even trying to protect deadlines that weren’t really realistic to begin with.
All in the name of supporting your client.
This is where many VAs just think they are bad at being a VA – when that’s not it at all. It’s not your skills, it’s your structure.
A well-run VA business depends on clarity. When clarity is missing, your confidence starts to take the hit.
Early Warning Signs You Should Not Ignore
As the VA, you don’t lose control of this situation overnight. There is a pattern that you might not have noticed. But there are early indicators.
If a client cannot clearly explain to you what they want in writing, that is a flag.
If everything is “urgent” or even last minute in week one, or month one, that is a flag.
If they resist or don’t use basic systems like a shared task list or central communication channel, that is a flag.
If you find yourself thinking, “I am not sure what they actually need, but I’ll figure it out,” that is a flag.
None of these mean you should not take the client on. But they do mean you need stronger structure from day one.
And it might be the client’s fault, or it might be your fault. Doesn’t really matter. But it is your job to make sure the structure is set up, if you want to continue working with the client.
The mess must get contained, or cleaned up – or you will regret it for sure as you keep working with this client.
The Mindset Shift That Changes Everything
Here is the shift that separates overwhelmed VAs from confident VAs.
We want you to be the confident VA! Listen carefully… you are not there to absorb chaos. You are there to bring structure to work that already exists. That means your role is not to “fix the client.” Your role is to set the conditions where the work can be delivered clearly and consistently.
Sometimes that’s different for each client, but in general you should have a way to get things organized and implement it.
Good communication is so essential in a good client-VA relationship, so learning how to create it in your VA business is one of the best things you can do. When you stop trying to adapt endlessly to the mess and instead start introducing simple systems, everything changes.
Your confidence will grow, not from doing more, but from defining how you work.
Handling Scope Creep In Real Time
Scope creep is one of the most common issues with messy clients. It’s one of the most common issues with a lot of clients, but in terms of a messy client, it usually sounds like:
“While you are in there, can you just quickly…” or “I know we didn’t include this, but it should be simple…”
The mistake many VAs make is responding with automatic yes, or delaying the boundary conversation until later.
Instead, you want to normalize a simple pause response.
Something like: “That is outside the current scope, but I can absolutely add it on. I will send you the updated time or cost so you can decide if you would like me to include it.”
This does three important things:
It acknowledges the request
It reinforces boundaries without emotion
It gives them a choice, not a rejection
You are not saying no. You are saying, this is how we handle new requests.
Of course you don’t have to do with this with every request from every client, but be really aware of the requests that come from clients that kind of stress you out – because these ones are the ones you have to really monitor.
Communicating clearly is really important to working well together, and not dread seeing their name in your inbox or project management system.
How To Deal With Unclear Instructions
With messy clients, clarity can be tricky. You might have to figure it out. Don’t try to guess – actually ask the client some questions to figure it out.
Can you show me example of what you want it to look like?
Which version do you prefer?
Can you clarify this part for me?
When do you need this completed?
It’s not rocket science, it’s just pushing a request a little further to get them to tell you what they want or need.
A messy client will often give vague answers at first. They will speak in half-finished thoughts.
They know what they want in their head, but they haven’t communicated it clearly enough to you – and they have to learn how to do that.
You don’t have to read their mind. You just need to slow down the request process long enough to get the information you need. It’s how you both learn to communicate with each other.
Everything being urgent is one of the fastest ways a VA loses control of their schedule.
The important distinction is this. Real urgency is rare. Poor planning creates fake urgency.
This is one of the most important things you need to learn as a VA – not everything is urgent. In fact, most things aren’t urgent – or even needed in a rush.
Responding to your client’s request with calm structure sounds like:
“I can prioritize this today, but I will need to move X to tomorrow to accommodate it. Let me know what you would prefer.”
Over time, this teaches the client that urgency has trade offs.
Without that feedback loop, you become the emergency buffer for their business.
If you just say yes and don’t tell them what needs to be disrupted for this to happen, they will take longer to learn.
Messy clients often communicate in multiple places. Email, texts, voice notes, DMs, sometimes all in one hour.
This is where you need to gently centralize the system. Or maybe not so gently!
At first it’s hard to be firm – you’ll get there – but to start maybe you can say something like: “To make sure nothing gets missed, can we keep all requests in one place? That will help me keep everything organized and ensure faster turnaround for you.”
You are not policing them. You are protecting the work. And you are also protecting yourself from constant context switching, which drains time and focus more than most people realize.
Don’t get me wrong – I preach boundaries, and I wouldn’t be this kind with any client who was communicating every which place with me, but if you are just getting started, you can be softer.
Some messy clients are not just disorganized. They are emotionally reactive.
They may send messages in frustration, urgency, or overwhelm.
The key here is not to absorb the emotion.
Your job is to respond to the task, not the tone.
A grounding response could be: “I hear that this is urgent. Here is what I can complete today and what will need to follow tomorrow. Let me know how you would like to proceed.”
Stay steady. Do not mirror the client’s panic. You will build trust with them when you can stay steady.
The Biggest Mistake VAs Make With Messy Clients
The biggest mistake is over-functioning. That means taking on responsibility for clarity that is not yours, or working extra hours to “fix” the chaos, or avoiding boundary conversations because you do not want to upset them, or assuming it will get better without structure changes.
I always tell you that you can’t be more responsible to your client’s business than they are, and that’s what all of those things are.
You ARE, however, probably much better at handling the details than they are – so you have to take a stand and tell them how to work with you.
Otherwise the client adjusts to your over-functioning and the workload increases. Nothing changes. The mess does not shrink. It might even expand.
Do You Need Help?
When you handle a messy client well, you are not trying to change who they are. Just how they work with you.
You introduce clear intake processes, define proper communication channels, hold boundaries around scope and urgency, and set and manage expectations every day.
Guess what happens when you do those things?
Well one of two things actually:
The client gets it, loves it, and becomes easier to work with, or
The client resists one or more of the pieces, and they basically self-select as a client you no longer want to work with.
A messy client is not a reflection of your ability. It is a reflection of where structure is missing in the relationship. Your confidence as a VA doesn’t need to come from controlling everything. It comes from knowing what you will and will not deal with.
Cleaning up a messy client sets the tone for how your business operates. And that’s what builds long-term success.
I’m going to leave it here for now, but let’s revisit today’s quote: Clear is kind, Unclear in unkind. Step away from unkind. Get clear on how your clients need to work with you, and tidy up your messy ones.
I can help. It’s the only reason I’m here at all, is to help you become a ridiculously good virtual assistant.
We can work together to identify and fix your messy client relationships through private coaching – check out the ways you can work with me by going to https://YourVAMentor.com/links
Thanks so much for tuning in to the podcast today. I’ll see you next time!