Welcome to another episode of the podcast that teaches you how to be a ridiculously good virtual assistant.
If you’ve already started your VA business but you’re ready for better clients, higher rates, and more consistency, you’re in the right place.
Today I want to talk about self doubt, and why it’s important to identify what’s holding you back so you can move through it.
Today’s Quote: “The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease forever to be able to do it.” – J.M. Barrie (from Peter Pan)
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Connect with Tracey D’Aviero, VA Coach and Trainer
Episode Notes:
So we started with a quote from Peter Pan today but I thought it was just fitting for the topic.
No, Peter Pan wasn’t talking about building a virtual assistant business when he said that, but I think sometimes the biggest thing standing between you and the next level in your business isn’t a lack of skill. It isn’t a lack of experience, or even a lack of clients.
Sometimes, it is just the story you’re telling yourself about whether you are good enough to be there. I see this happening all the time with VAs.
And if you’ve ever thought things like, “Who am I to charge that much?” or “There are so many VAs who are better than me,” or “I don’t think I’m ready for that client,” or “What if they hire me and then realize I don’t actually know what I’m doing?”, then today’s episode is for you.
We’re talking about imposter syndrome.
I know I talk about this often, but it’s because I had yet another conversation with a VA just last week about this same topic. It comes up so often I need to make sure that I’m helping you through it.
More specifically, today I want to talk about how to recognize when imposter syndrome is showing up in your business, how to identify when it is actually a confidence problem (and when it’s not), and most importantly, how to keep moving forward when your brain is telling you that you’re not ready.
Feeling like an imposter doesn’t mean you actually are one. It is very important to make that distinction.
What Does Imposter Syndrome Actually Feel Like?
What does experiencing imposter syndrome actually feel like? It doesn’t always show up as “I’m awful at this.” if that’s what you’re thinking.
Many times it’s much more more reasonable than that.
It sounds like: “I just need a little more experience first.”, “I’ll start reaching out to people after I get my website finished.”, “I need another training.” “I don’t think I’m ready to specialize yet.” “I probably shouldn’t apply for that because they want someone with five years of experience.” Etc etc etc
If any of those sound familiar, that could be imposter syndrome.
What you are telling yourself sounds perfectly logical, doesn’t it? That’s the problem.
You can’t fix something that you don’t even know you are experiencing.
You think you are being realistic. You aren’t scared. You’re just being cautious. You’re not doubting yourself, you’re just getting prepared. You’re not avoiding something, you’re just waiting until the timing is right.
Sometimes those things are what they seem.
Sometimes you really do need more experience, or to learn a skill. Or maybe you’re not quite ready for a particular project.
But sometimes, what looks like being realistic is actually fear wearing a very professional-looking disguise.
And that’s what I want you to have a look at, and identify.
Is this actually a skill issue, or is this a confidence issue?
Those are two very different things.
If a client asks you to do something you’ve never done before, and you genuinely don’t know how to do it, that’s a skill gap. You can solve a skill gap. You can learn it.
But if you know how to do the work and you’re simply afraid that you’re not good enough to charge for it, apply for it, talk about it, or tell people you’re good at it, that’s something different.
That’s where imposter syndrome can sneak in.
Imposter Syndrome Loves Comparison
One of the biggest triggers for imposter syndrome is comparison. Looking at another VA and thinking, look at her website, her Instagram looks great, look how many clients she has, look at her testimonials, look at her service offerings. Whatever, and then you think I’m not there.
The thing is, you’re comparing her highlight reel to yourself. You know your behind the scenes stuff, but you don’t know hers. You don’t know anything about what’s really going on – or has gone on – in her business.
You don’t know how long they have been in business, or where they have found their clients, or how many times they have rewritten their website, how many proposals they have sent before they got that great client, or even how many times they have felt exactly how you are feeling right now.
You don’t know if they worked with someone to learn marketing, or to help with their mindset.
See what I mean? You are just seeing the end result (or what you think it is).
So comparison is a thief, right?
But we do it anyway.
You don’t need to become a different VA. You just need to become the best version of your VA business.
So that’s one way to identify your imposter syndrome. Here’s another:
The “Who Am I?” Question
The next one is the ‘Who am I to’? question.
Who am I to call myself an expert? Who am I to charge $50 an hour? Who am I to tell a business owner how to improve their social media? Who am I to specialize? Who am I to raise my prices? Who am I to think I can build a successful business?
And here’s my question for you.
Why not you? Seriously. Why not?
You don’t have to be the best VA in the world to provide incredible value to a client. You don’t have to know everything. You don’t need ten years of experience. You don’t need 5,000 followers. You don’t need a fancy office. You don’t need to have everything figured out.
You need to be able to solve a problem for someone. That’s what your clients are paying you for.
They aren’t hiring you because you’ve achieved some magical level of perfection. They’re hiring you because they need help. And because you can help them. That’s it!
But What If I Don’t Know Everything?
The next one is a big one: What if I don’t know everything?
So many VAs think they have to know how to do everything before they can confidently call themselves a VA, or an expert.
I talk to VAs every day that think they need to know every software program, every social media platform. every project management system, every email marketing system, every bookkeeping program, and every possible administrative task.
Hear me when I say no, you don’t. You can’t.
You just need to know what your clients need. You can’t possibly learn everything there is to know – but it’s such a common thing for VAs to think they need to learn so much before they can take that step forward.
Here’s what I tell the VAs that tell me they need to keep learning – if I needed help with something today that you can do, and I had money to pay you, today, could you help me?
They ALWAYS say yes. So guess what, that means you are ready.
If you don’t know how to use a particular email marketing platform, but you offer email marketing, then let the client know you can learn their system.
I mean, if you offer email marketing, you must know the basics and at least one system to do it.
Don’t pretend you know how to do something you have never done in order for the client to hire you. Honesty is always the best way. But you don’t need to learn everything.
Your Brain Will Want Proof
The last thing that imposter syndrome does for you is beat you down unless you show your brain proof that something is true.
It’s how we talk about confidence all the time.
I’ll feel more confident after I get another client, or make more money, or after a certain period of time passes, or after I know more.
The confidence will come. And that’s sometimes true.
But if a lack of confidence is keeping you from moving forward, then you have to find your confidence right now.
Because you can’t move forward, how is confidence supposed to magically appear? It comes with something changes, and if you aren’t moving forward then nothing is changing.
Think about the first time you did something in your business that feels completely normal now.
Maybe it was your first discovery call, or your first proposal, your first invoice, your first time telling someone your rate.
The first time you probably felt nervous. Maybe even overwhelmed. But you did it. And nothing bad happened.
And now you probably do it easily. That’s confidence!
Doing something without thinking twice about it.
You have to take action, you have to do something, even if it feels hard, and then you start building.
You build your confidence, you build your business!
The Confidence Gap
Often there is a gap between what you are capable of doing and what you believe you’re capable of doing. Or what you think you are doing, and what you can do, in simpler terms.
Inside that gap is where your imposter syndrome hangs out.
You may have five years of experience but still feel like a beginner.
You may have happy clients but still think you’re not good enough.
You may have gotten great results for people but still be nervous about talking about those results.
You may be charging a perfectly reasonable rate but feel guilty every time you send an invoice.
The evidence says one thing. Your thoughts say another.
Do any of these things ever happen to you?
They happen to me – still sometimes!
If you are overtired, or sick, or overwhelmed, or worried … these are all things that can make that uneasiness pop up.
So here’s a little exercise I want you to try.
When you catch yourself thinking, “I’m not good enough,” don’t immediately try to replace it with, “I’m amazing!”
Sometimes that feels fake. Especially at first. But here’s how you can validate it:
What is the actual evidence?
Have you done this work before?
Have clients been happy with your work?
Have you solved problems for people?
Have you received positive feedback?
Have you learned difficult things before?
Have you figured things out when you didn’t know how?
Have people trusted you with their businesses?
If the answer to some of those questions is yes (I’m willing to be it is!), that’s your evidence. Use it.
You need to remind your brain that you are amazing! You will never be able to articulate your expertise to your clients if you don’t believe it yourself.
Your brain may be telling you that you’re an imposter, but your experience may be telling you something completely different. Work with it, and get yourself onto that level of believing in yourself.
Don’t Confuse Being New With Being Bad
Being new is not being inexperienced or bad. You are allowed to be new. Every VA in business was new at some point. Being new just means you are new, that’s all.
You don’t have to pretend you’ve been in business for ten years. Or compete with someone who’s been doing this for fifteen years.
You don’t have to know everything they know. How can you?
You simply need to know enough to help the client you’re trying to help. And you already do!
You will learn more along the way, like we all have.
This is often where we put a lot of pressure on ourselves, thinking we have to be leaps and bounds ahead of where we are today, to be ‘good’.
Every experienced VA was a beginner. Every confident VA had a first client. Every VA who confidently states their rates had a first time saying those words. Every VA whose client roster is full had an empty calendar.
You think you are failing because you’re at the beginning. But you aren’t. You are just beginning! And, you are building.
So How Do You Move Through Imposter Syndrome?
What do we do to move through imposter syndrome?
Well first I have to tell you it may never disappear completely. But you can learn to identify and move forward anyway.
When your brain is telling you that you’re not ready, do that exercise I just shared.
Is it because I’m not skilled, or because I’m scared?
If you don’t have the skills, go learn them.
If you’re scared, take the next small step anyway.
Maybe you don’t need to pitch ten clients today. Pitch one.
Maybe you don’t need to completely redesign your website. Update your services page.
Maybe you don’t need to announce a huge rate increase. Review what you are charging and what you are doing for that rate.
Maybe you don’t feel ready to call yourself a specialist. Start talking about the type of work you want to be known for.
Small actions are the ones that count. The ones that add up.
Conquering every piece of your imposter syndrome in one afternoon is not the right way to think.
But you can stop letting it make all your decisions.
Your New Question
So the next time you catch yourself thinking, “I’m not good enough,” I want you to change the question.
Don’t ask: “Am I good enough?”
Ask: “Where is my evidence that I can do this?”
And if you discover that there really is something you don’t know? Perfect. Go work on that.
So much more useful than sitting in a general cloud of “I’m not good enough.” right?
Take action on the actual things: learn a software (only if you really need to!), practice your discovery calls, improve your proposal or introduction message, work on your communication skills.
It’s about getting specific. What don’t you know? What DO you know? What have you accomplished already? What can you learn that augments that? What’s your actual next step?
You Are Allowed to Be a Work in Progress
Here’s what I want to leave you with today:
You can not be the finished version of yourself where you are in your business. You can only be where you are.
You are allowed to learn, to make mistakes and to not know something. You are allowed to ask questions.
You are allowed to charge appropriately for your service offerings. You are allowed to call yourself an expert, a professional.
You are allowed to want more.
And you are definitely allowed to feel nervous doing all of this.
It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it. It doesn’t mean you aren’t capable.
Feeling like an imposter doesn’t make you an imposter.
It just means you are moving outside of your comfort zone – which is where the growth happens!
All you need to do is to take the next step. Not the next 10, just the next 1!
Step by step, that’s the way you walk forward.
Let’s circle back to today’s quote: The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease forever to be able to do it.
Let’s help you fly!
Do You Need Help?
If you need help telling your brain that you can fly, reach out to chat with me. I’m here to help.
If you need help with your marketing, your messaging, or getting clients, be sure to reach out to connect with me wherever you are online.
You can find me at YourVAMentor.com/links.
That’s all I’ve got for you this week! I’ll see you next time!
